Happy Birthday

Well it's almost my birthday. Tomorrow I'll have to update my "About Me" bit and say I'm 45. I have been putting off having this birthday, as you do!!! Before I reached 40 I freaked about that and of course as soon as I reached it I realised that yes, it is just a number and I felt exactly the same. The next 4 birthdays were just fine, I just didn't care and I genuinely used to "forget" my age. I'd often say I was 44 when I was actually 42. I just didn't think it an issue until the last couple of months when I've made a big deal about still being 44- not yet 45. Totally silly but I really felt once I get to 45, I'll be closer to 50. I know that in fact it just doesn't matter but it has been bothering me, silly or not. I think it's because I'm so aware of how healthy I am right now and I just want to make the most of it. I've wasted so much of the last 20 years when I have been so unhealthy and haven't been able to really enjoy a lot of things. That's not to say being slim and healthy makes you happy. In fact when I was at my slimmest 7 years ago I actually had a breakdown and went through a terrible time in my life. I just mean that if everything else is OK it is so much better being happier with our size and appearance. I am very conscious that I've been given yet another chance at this "healthy" life stuff and I really want to make the most of it while my body is able and willing. I am very lucky that I don't have any issues with body pain or injuries to impede me. A good friend of mine that is 10 years older has always been so active but she has had lots of niggling things in the last year or so which have really impaired her. I know that won't necessarily happen to me and that there are lot's of people enjoying exercise in their 70's and 80's and sure hope that that can be me. I know I love food so much, I would find it so hard to keep my weight under control if I couldn't walk etc. Anyhow I'm 45 tomorrow and I'm happy, healthy and at goal weight so what more could I ask!!

I had a small party at home last night to mark the occasion - I thought I should do something seeing it was such a big thing in my head! DH couldn't work out what the big deal was but as long as I organised it, that was fine by him. I had a lovely night with about 20 friends and got some lovely pressies, just love pressies!! Of couse I prepared much too much food. I had asked people to bring drinks but said I would put on supper. I always over-cater but last night was crazy, heaps of food left over. You'ld thing everyone was on WW's or something! It's funny though, I am very consious of eating in front of other people especially when it's grazing type food. I had not eaten dinner and had been very good all day so it was fine for me to eat what I wanted last night, especially cos it was my party!! I was hungry and I did nibble a lot but I was aware if anyone was watching me I had to give them the explanation that it was my dinner! Does anyone else do this? Will I ever get over thinking that people are watching whatever goes in my mouth and thinking that I am risking putting it all back on again. I know it's very self obsessed and maybe when I do reach 50 I won't be quite so self conscious!!

I will be getting my presents from my boys tomorrow but DH is always happy for me to choose my present(s) from him myself. I am very hard to buy for especially when even the most blatant hints are just not heard in this house. I got a heart rate monitor which I am really enjoying to ensure I am keeping in the 'zone'. I know feeling stuffed should suffice but I like seeing the numbers on the screen - I'm a gadget girl. It's just a basic one so it wasn't too expensive. I also got my nails done which is a real biggie for me. I have always been a nail biter but for some reason when I lose weight I usually grow my nails as well! This time I had grown them and they were doing OK until a few months ago when they started breaking a lot. If I took care of them they would be fine but I'm very lazy with that type of thing. Anyhow I've now got acrylic nails with french tips and I love them, really love them. Easily pleased aren't I - shame I'm going to have to keep paying up to keep them looking like this.
I'll leave you with a picture of me blowing out my candles on my birthday cake - yes it's a chocolate mud cake, my favourite. It was yummy and I know cos I had a piece last night and another today!!! Check out the huge cheeks, it looks like I was actually trying to get enough puff to blow out 45 candles not just 9!! Also check out the nails - aren't they great......
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